Bump in the Road

I write this more for my own therapy than for anything else …

I’ve been anxious and very weepy lately. In two weeks I’ll be back at base camp with my family to ring in the New Year and I am afraid that all I’ll be able to think about will be the last night I was there back in August – the night Lyn died. I feel broken when I think about this summer and just when I feel like I’ve gotten myself tapped back together again I’m being forced to go back to where this all began and I’m scared…. I start to cry and my heart just aches thinking about Lyn & Barb, base camp, the emotions of that day and about the very long journey home since then. I don’t know that I’m ready for this yet……

…I tell myself it will be therapeutic but I don’t believe it yet… deep down I think its going to be a lonely emotional hell. Although my sister who was with me the night Lyn died will be there too, she has already been back and processed through the emotions that come when you have to revisit a place of tragedy. I’m going to have to go this one alone. I wish I could bring the rest of the team back with me – I want us to do it together, cry together, pray together and be able to understand (without saying a word) the flood of emotions that will come….I wish for so many things that can’t happen and then I start to cry again. I’m a mess! For those of you that know me well, you know I’m not a crier… give me a sappy movie at the right time of the month and I’ll be a wreck but generally speaking I don’t cry a whole heck of a lot. These tears catch me off guard – it makes the emotions of that night 4 months ago seem that much more real – and thankfully, they remind me that I am human but its all a lot to deal with in the midst of travel preparations and the holidays. It seems to be a very large bump in the road right now and I’m not sure how to handle it.

Prayers please… if/when you think of it please pray for me and for this next step in the journey that I have to take. Pray for God to be very present and for me to have some quality time listening to Him. Please also pray for Lyn's wife Barb and her family, especially during this time of year. I have great expectations that when I return I’ll have a wonderful story to tell of answered prayers and a renewed sense of peace. Until then,

Merry Christmas everyone! Thanks for journeying along with me this year – its been quite a ride. I pray that you all can find much to be thankful for. Have a safe holiday season and treasure the time you’re able to spend with family!!
Blessings to all!