Homecomings...

You know how sometimes, it takes being away from home for a long time for you to truly appreciate it again? After being gone on a trip there is such comfort in getting back to a familiar place with familiar smells; a place where you can just simply “be”. If you’ve never been away long enough to be excited about coming home I think you’ve missed out. In that time between being gone and coming home, you realize all the things you’ve taken for granted at home, all the things you truly love but haven’t realized how much you’ve loved them until you’ve been gone. Coming home is a wonderful feeling!

I’m slowly coming home, not so much in the physical sense (I live 30 min from my parents) but rather spiritually. I don’t know exactly when I left – perhaps it was this summer after Lyn’s death or maybe it was a bit later, after school started and “normal” life resumed – whenever it was, I know it was a while back. God and I have been apart for a time – I have to honestly admit I haven’t talked with him much, I haven’t read much and I certainly haven’t trusted him much. It’s been a hard few months but I know this time away has been needed. In light of all that happened this summer and all I had expected to happen, I guess I was angry, frustrated, sad and disappointed. God wasn’t what/who I had planned on – he didn’t do things as I thought and I think it threw me for a loop. Why, if God wasn’t working in my life, should I be spending time with him? Why did I need him? I needed to leave… step away and be on my own for a bit. I guess you could say needed to run-away for a while.

Over the past few weeks, I’ve been blessed to have various very faithful people (some whom I’ve known for years and other with whom I’ve only briefly crossed paths with) in simple yet profound ways, point me back home. Today I decided was my day to actually start the journey back. Snowed in from church, it was a perfect time to sit in the stillness of the winter morning and open the Bible… in my readings I was lead to stories about faith – a pertinent topic considering the past few months. A specific quote from a study book caught my attention…

“…if faith can not stand the test of use, then it is useless – dead. Inner faith can only be recognized by outward deeds.”

This was a “well - duh” moment for me. I’ve had so many expectations for God that haven’t panned out and in turn my faith has waned. My faith has been dependent on God showing up and I’ve been waiting for Him to make the first move. Today, I’ve realized that maybe He is waiting on me? Has my faith even warranted a reply, a response? Have I been faithful? I guess the easy answer, though hard to admit, is NO. The question I asked months ago still remains… how do I live and remain faithful in the midst of the “why” of life? … in the midst of silence? … in the midst of this crappy world? …What does a life of faith look like for me? The answers are elusive right now but as I make my journey “home” this much I’m sure of - I can’t do it alone. No matter how pointless and at time useless the life at “home” may seem, its still “home” and at the end of the day, there is truly no better place to be. So, I’m coming home, coming back to the familiar place of comfort and rest.

“The life of faith is lived one day at a time, and it has to be lived – not always looked forward to as though the “real” living were around the next corner. It is today for which we are responsible. God still owns tomorrow.” - I hope you'll all remind me of this when I need it :).

Savor your journeys of life and learn from all the places they take you but most of all, savor the homecomings for they often teach us the most about ourselves in very simple ways. Happy Homecomings!!